Socially UNacceptable Humor

hermosabeach

Betty Ford Center
Belligerents
Feb 13, 2012
11,270
57,109
219
Betty Ford Clinic
"You'll be fine" the doctor said after finishing the young woman's surgery. "But" she asked "How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"

The surgeon seemed to pause and his face reddened as a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye.

The girl was alarmed. "What's the matter doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"



He replied "Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no-one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out".
--
 

hermosabeach

Betty Ford Center
Belligerents
Feb 13, 2012
11,270
57,109
219
Betty Ford Clinic
Your best friend has three girlfriends.

Their names are Doe, Ray, and Me.

All 3 wants to do something special so they set up some dates.

Three days ago Doe kisses him.
Two days ago Ray gives him vaginal sex.

Yesterday, who sucks his dick?
 

hermosabeach

Betty Ford Center
Belligerents
Feb 13, 2012
11,270
57,109
219
Betty Ford Clinic
There's an old couple that start dating at 70. After about a month of things going well, they decide to get a little freaky.

So, they start doing things and the woman says to the man "You know, it's been a long time since someone has gone... down there".

So, the man obliges and makes his way down there and after only a short bit he says "I'm sorry but I'm not sure how long I can be down here".

Disappointed, the woman asks "Why?".

The man is honest and says "I feel really bad but, honestly, it's pretty stinky down here".

The woman replies "Oh that's probably because of my arthritis".

The man asks "You have arthritis in your vagina?".

The woman replies "No, the arthritis is in my shoulder so I haven't been able to wipe my arse for about a year".
 

hermosabeach

Betty Ford Center
Belligerents
Feb 13, 2012
11,270
57,109
219
Betty Ford Clinic
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put £50 in the poor box.'

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'