Socially UNacceptable Humor

Mike 556

Sergeant of the Hide
Jan 31, 2018
284
275
63
Northeast PA
INAPPROPRIATE JOKES FOR MEN
>
> A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed
> The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A
> moment of silence passes, then the guy says, "I can't believe they fucked
my
> wife after only five beers!"
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> Got this text from my brother recently. It read. "Can I stay at your
house
> for a while? The ol' lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my
> dick. For what it's worth, it reaches all the way to the back of her
> sister's throat!"
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I was banging this nice lady on her kitchen table when we heard the front
> door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!"
Thinking
> back, I really should have run, but you don't get offers like that every
day
>
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> Sorry for not calling you on New Years, but I just got out of jail. I
was
> locked up for punching the fuck out of this idiot at a party. In my
> defense, when you hear an Arab counting down from 10 your instincts kick
in.
>
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
> >
>
>
>
> I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some
> money. Last night I fucked a girl called Penny. Is that spooky or
what?
>
>
>
>
>
> The missus asked me, "When you're on a guys-only trip, do you think about
> me?" Apparently "Only to stop myself from coming too quickly" wasn't the
> right answer.
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor orphans.

> I said, "Fuck that! Knowing my luck, I'd win one!"
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> What's the difference between an illegal immigrant and ET?
>
>
>
> ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn't claim benefits,
> had his own fucking bike, and wanted to go home!
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I went to the doctor's office the other day and found out that my new
doctor
> is young, female and drop dead gorgeous. I was embarrassed, but she
said,
> "Don't worry, I'm a professional, I've seen it all before. Just tell me
> what's wrong and I'll check it out. I said, "My wife thinks that my dick
> tastes funny."
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I was pretty excited when my new girlfriend sent me a text message
claiming
> that she loves anal. Then I realized that she is a dyslexic bitch and
that
> she was trying to say she loves Alan, my best friend.
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> A guy is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and suddenly
> yells, "No! No! Don't enter that church, you damn fool."
> His wife asks him, "What are you watching?"
> Husband replies, "Our wedding video."
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I said to the wife, "Get me a newspaper."
> "Don't be silly," she said. "Here, use my iPad."
> That fuckin' spider never knew what hit it.
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I bought a new perfume for my wife called Chloroform, but she says she
> doesn't like it. She says that it makes her sleepy and her ass sore.
 
Last edited:
INAPPROPRIATE JOKES FOR MEN
>
> A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed
> The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A
> moment of silence passes, then the guy says, "I can't believe they fucked
my
> wife after only five beers!"
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> Got this text from my brother recently. It read. "Can I stay at your
house
> for a while? The ol' lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my
> dick. For what it's worth, it reaches all the way to the back of her
> sister's throat!"
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I was banging this nice lady on her kitchen table when we heard the front
> door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!"
Thinking
> back, I really should have run, but you don't get offers like that every
day
>
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> Sorry for not calling you on New Years, but I just got out of jail. I
was
> locked up for punching the fuck out of this idiot at a party. In my
> defense, when you hear an Arab counting down from 10 your instincts kick
in.
>
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
> >
>
>
>
> I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some
> money. Last night I fucked a girl called Penny. Is that spooky or
what?
>
>
>
>
>
> The missus asked me, "When you're on a guys-only trip, do you think about
> me?" Apparently "Only to stop myself from coming too quickly" wasn't the
> right answer.
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor orphans.

> I said, "Fuck that! Knowing my luck, I'd win one!"
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> What's the difference between an illegal immigrant and ET?
>
>
>
> ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn't claim benefits,
> had his own fucking bike, and wanted to go home!
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I went to the doctor's office the other day and found out that my new
doctor
> is young, female and drop dead gorgeous. I was embarrassed, but she
said,
> "Don't worry, I'm a professional, I've seen it all before. Just tell me
> what's wrong and I'll check it out. I said, "My wife thinks that my dick
> tastes funny."
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I was pretty excited when my new girlfriend sent me a text message
claiming
> that she loves anal. Then I realized that she is a dyslexic bitch and
that
> she was trying to say she loves Alan, my best friend.
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> A guy is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and suddenly
> yells, "No! No! Don't enter that church, you damn fool."
> His wife asks him, "What are you watching?"
> Husband replies, "Our wedding video."
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I said to the wife, "Get me a newspaper."
> "Don't be silly," she said. "Here, use my iPad."
> That fuckin' spider never knew what hit it.
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I bought a new perfume for my wife called Chloroform, but she says she
> doesn't like it. She says that it makes her sleepy and her ass sore.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>







---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: "Michael A. Buscemi" <buscemisouth@earthlink.net>
To: sabinandy@aol.com
Cc:
Bcc:
Date: Fri, 17 Oct 2014 07:50:38 -0400 (GMT-04:00)
Subject: Fw: Fwd: Funny Stuff got to read















INAPPROPRIATE JOKES FOR MEN
>
> A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed
> The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A
> moment of silence passes, then the guy says, "I can't believe they fucked
my
> wife after only five beers!"
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> Got this text from my brother recently. It read. "Can I stay at your
house
> for a while? The ol' lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my
> dick. For what it's worth, it reaches all the way to the back of her
> sister's throat!"
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I was banging this nice lady on her kitchen table when we heard the front
> door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!"
Thinking
> back, I really should have run, but you don't get offers like that every
day
>
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> Sorry for not calling you on New Years, but I just got out of jail. I
was
> locked up for punching the fuck out of this idiot at a party. In my
> defense, when you hear an Arab counting down from 10 your instincts kick
in.
>
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
> >
>
>
>
> I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some
> money. Last night I fucked a girl called Penny. Is that spooky or
what?
>
>
>
>
>
> The missus asked me, "When you're on a guys-only trip, do you think about
> me?" Apparently "Only to stop myself from coming too quickly" wasn't the
> right answer.
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor orphans.

> I said, "Fuck that! Knowing my luck, I'd win one!"
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> What's the difference between an illegal immigrant and ET?
>
>
>
> ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn't claim benefits,
> had his own fucking bike, and wanted to go home!
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I went to the doctor's office the other day and found out that my new
doctor
> is young, female and drop dead gorgeous. I was embarrassed, but she
said,
> "Don't worry, I'm a professional, I've seen it all before. Just tell me
> what's wrong and I'll check it out. I said, "My wife thinks that my dick
> tastes funny."
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I was pretty excited when my new girlfriend sent me a text message
claiming
> that she loves anal. Then I realized that she is a dyslexic bitch and
that
> she was trying to say she loves Alan, my best friend.
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> A guy is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and suddenly
> yells, "No! No! Don't enter that church, you damn fool."
> His wife asks him, "What are you watching?"
> Husband replies, "Our wedding video."
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I said to the wife, "Get me a newspaper."
> "Don't be silly," she said. "Here, use my iPad."
> That fuckin' spider never knew what hit it.
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I bought a new perfume for my wife called Chloroform, but she says she
> doesn't like it. She says that it makes her sleepy and her ass sore.
>
>
>
>
Funny, funny stuff.....

Oh, BTW.....nice job on the email addys....
You do know what is happening, precisely, right, now, don’t you ? :devilish:
 

Mike 556

Sergeant of the Hide
Jan 31, 2018
284
275
63
Northeast PA
It's easy to do. Been there, done that........No outbound torpedos, no worries. But, had to kid.......toss me a grapefruit and I'm swingin' at it. :cool:
Grapefruit my ass! That was a Fucking watermelon! :) but to your credit, you hit it out of the park! And your right, we'll definitely need more than a few beers. But I'd be more than honored to hoist a few with all you Deplorables!
Mike
 
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