Socially UNacceptable Humor

Mike 556

Sergeant of the Hide
Jan 31, 2018
544
1,208
93
Northeast PA
INAPPROPRIATE JOKES FOR MEN
>
> A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed
> The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A
> moment of silence passes, then the guy says, "I can't believe they fucked
my
> wife after only five beers!"
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> Got this text from my brother recently. It read. "Can I stay at your
house
> for a while? The ol' lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my
> dick. For what it's worth, it reaches all the way to the back of her
> sister's throat!"
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I was banging this nice lady on her kitchen table when we heard the front
> door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!"
Thinking
> back, I really should have run, but you don't get offers like that every
day
>
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> Sorry for not calling you on New Years, but I just got out of jail. I
was
> locked up for punching the fuck out of this idiot at a party. In my
> defense, when you hear an Arab counting down from 10 your instincts kick
in.
>
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
> >
>
>
>
> I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some
> money. Last night I fucked a girl called Penny. Is that spooky or
what?
>
>
>
>
>
> The missus asked me, "When you're on a guys-only trip, do you think about
> me?" Apparently "Only to stop myself from coming too quickly" wasn't the
> right answer.
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor orphans.

> I said, "Fuck that! Knowing my luck, I'd win one!"
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> What's the difference between an illegal immigrant and ET?
>
>
>
> ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn't claim benefits,
> had his own fucking bike, and wanted to go home!
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I went to the doctor's office the other day and found out that my new
doctor
> is young, female and drop dead gorgeous. I was embarrassed, but she
said,
> "Don't worry, I'm a professional, I've seen it all before. Just tell me
> what's wrong and I'll check it out. I said, "My wife thinks that my dick
> tastes funny."
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I was pretty excited when my new girlfriend sent me a text message
claiming
> that she loves anal. Then I realized that she is a dyslexic bitch and
that
> she was trying to say she loves Alan, my best friend.
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> A guy is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and suddenly
> yells, "No! No! Don't enter that church, you damn fool."
> His wife asks him, "What are you watching?"
> Husband replies, "Our wedding video."
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I said to the wife, "Get me a newspaper."
> "Don't be silly," she said. "Here, use my iPad."
> That fuckin' spider never knew what hit it.
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I bought a new perfume for my wife called Chloroform, but she says she
> doesn't like it. She says that it makes her sleepy and her ass sore.
 
Last edited:
Feb 13, 2017
3,720
4,135
113
Camano Island, Washington
INAPPROPRIATE JOKES FOR MEN
>
> A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed
> The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A
> moment of silence passes, then the guy says, "I can't believe they fucked
my
> wife after only five beers!"
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> Got this text from my brother recently. It read. "Can I stay at your
house
> for a while? The ol' lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my
> dick. For what it's worth, it reaches all the way to the back of her
> sister's throat!"
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I was banging this nice lady on her kitchen table when we heard the front
> door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!"
Thinking
> back, I really should have run, but you don't get offers like that every
day
>
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> Sorry for not calling you on New Years, but I just got out of jail. I
was
> locked up for punching the fuck out of this idiot at a party. In my
> defense, when you hear an Arab counting down from 10 your instincts kick
in.
>
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
> >
>
>
>
> I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some
> money. Last night I fucked a girl called Penny. Is that spooky or
what?
>
>
>
>
>
> The missus asked me, "When you're on a guys-only trip, do you think about
> me?" Apparently "Only to stop myself from coming too quickly" wasn't the
> right answer.
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor orphans.

> I said, "Fuck that! Knowing my luck, I'd win one!"
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> What's the difference between an illegal immigrant and ET?
>
>
>
> ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn't claim benefits,
> had his own fucking bike, and wanted to go home!
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I went to the doctor's office the other day and found out that my new
doctor
> is young, female and drop dead gorgeous. I was embarrassed, but she
said,
> "Don't worry, I'm a professional, I've seen it all before. Just tell me
> what's wrong and I'll check it out. I said, "My wife thinks that my dick
> tastes funny."
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I was pretty excited when my new girlfriend sent me a text message
claiming
> that she loves anal. Then I realized that she is a dyslexic bitch and
that
> she was trying to say she loves Alan, my best friend.
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> A guy is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and suddenly
> yells, "No! No! Don't enter that church, you damn fool."
> His wife asks him, "What are you watching?"
> Husband replies, "Our wedding video."
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I said to the wife, "Get me a newspaper."
> "Don't be silly," she said. "Here, use my iPad."
> That fuckin' spider never knew what hit it.
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I bought a new perfume for my wife called Chloroform, but she says she
> doesn't like it. She says that it makes her sleepy and her ass sore.
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>







---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: "Michael A. Buscemi" <buscemisouth@earthlink.net>
To: sabinandy@aol.com
Cc:
Bcc:
Date: Fri, 17 Oct 2014 07:50:38 -0400 (GMT-04:00)
Subject: Fw: Fwd: Funny Stuff got to read















INAPPROPRIATE JOKES FOR MEN
>
> A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed
> The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A
> moment of silence passes, then the guy says, "I can't believe they fucked
my
> wife after only five beers!"
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> Got this text from my brother recently. It read. "Can I stay at your
house
> for a while? The ol' lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my
> dick. For what it's worth, it reaches all the way to the back of her
> sister's throat!"
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I was banging this nice lady on her kitchen table when we heard the front
> door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!"
Thinking
> back, I really should have run, but you don't get offers like that every
day
>
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> Sorry for not calling you on New Years, but I just got out of jail. I
was
> locked up for punching the fuck out of this idiot at a party. In my
> defense, when you hear an Arab counting down from 10 your instincts kick
in.
>
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
> >
>
>
>
> I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some
> money. Last night I fucked a girl called Penny. Is that spooky or
what?
>
>
>
>
>
> The missus asked me, "When you're on a guys-only trip, do you think about
> me?" Apparently "Only to stop myself from coming too quickly" wasn't the
> right answer.
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor orphans.

> I said, "Fuck that! Knowing my luck, I'd win one!"
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> What's the difference between an illegal immigrant and ET?
>
>
>
> ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn't claim benefits,
> had his own fucking bike, and wanted to go home!
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I went to the doctor's office the other day and found out that my new
doctor
> is young, female and drop dead gorgeous. I was embarrassed, but she
said,
> "Don't worry, I'm a professional, I've seen it all before. Just tell me
> what's wrong and I'll check it out. I said, "My wife thinks that my dick
> tastes funny."
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I was pretty excited when my new girlfriend sent me a text message
claiming
> that she loves anal. Then I realized that she is a dyslexic bitch and
that
> she was trying to say she loves Alan, my best friend.
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> A guy is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and suddenly
> yells, "No! No! Don't enter that church, you damn fool."
> His wife asks him, "What are you watching?"
> Husband replies, "Our wedding video."
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I said to the wife, "Get me a newspaper."
> "Don't be silly," she said. "Here, use my iPad."
> That fuckin' spider never knew what hit it.
>
>
>
> ~ ~ ~
>
>
>
> I bought a new perfume for my wife called Chloroform, but she says she
> doesn't like it. She says that it makes her sleepy and her ass sore.
>
>
>
>
Funny, funny stuff.....

Oh, BTW.....nice job on the email addys....
You do know what is happening, precisely, right, now, don’t you ? :devilish: