Socially UNacceptable Humor

Mar 13, 2014
12
11
3
A Navy pilot walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.

He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his new Apple watch for a moment.


The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"





No,” he replies, “I just got this state-of-the-art Apple watch, and I was just testing it.”


The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”


The pilot says, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”


The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”


Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.”


The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!”


The pilot smirks, taps his watch and says, “Darn thing’s an hour fast.”


And that, my friends.........is Confidence!
 
Nov 25, 2007
1,754
971
113
Lithia, FL
It's my Friday. The entire week has been mega fucked. I'm enjoying the sights n sounds of incarceration and laughing my fucking ass off. We have more people coming off Heroin AGAIN than you can shake a stick at. I'm in my element. Don't fuck with me. :ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO:
They heard the weather report and decided a couple of nights with Jimmy wouldn't be so bad...
 

1J04

Morale Officer
Aug 7, 2011
9,386
4,475
113
PACIFIC NW
1523207148290.png http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/canada-moose-escapes-from-zoo-and-goes-on-cow-raping-rampage/

CANADA: MOOSE ESCAPES FROM ZOO AND GOES ON COW-RAPING RAMPAGE

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A moose that has escaped from the Calgary Zoo is wreaking havoc on local farms in the area as the 2,000-pound beast has allegedly been sexually assaulting a large number of cows since its escape two nights ago.
A number of local farmers in the area have warned authorities about a moose that has been seen on many occasions “humping” their cattle and possibly harming the animals.
“I saw this huge moose shagging one of my cows doggy-style”
– Thomas O’Neill, local farmer​

Thomas O’Neill, a local farmer, contacted local authorities when he found the 2,000-pound moose “shagging” his cattle before it fled into the bush moments later
Mooing in distress
The local farmer says he was first alarmed by the distress calls he was hearing from his cattle.
“I heard my cows mooing in distress, I thought there was a coyote or a wolf, but instead I saw this huge moose shagging one of my cows doggy-style,” he told reporters.
“Never in a hundred years did I ever think I would see that with my own eyes” he added, visibly shocked by the scene.
Mating season
Although it is not known if the sex acts were consensual or perceived as an act of aggression by the cows themselves, the act of mating for the moose is a rather normal thing, explains veterinarian Annie Beaudoin, of the Calgary Zoo.
“This 3-year-old moose has been raised in captivity and due to its particularly aggressive nature was enclosed by itself for most of its life. It is the first occasion that it has had in its entire life to experiment with a sexual partner,” she told reporters.
“It is also breeding season and so the moose being a polygamous animal will try to mate with as many partners as it can find,” she added.
After a 48-hour wild goose chase, Wildlife agents still have not successfully apprehended the animal and all persons having information concerning its whereabouts should contact the Alberta Environment and Parks, Fish & Wildlife department.
 

168BTHPM

Short Bus Driver
Mar 1, 2008
3,807
6,877
113
Nevada
View attachment 6891986 http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/canada-moose-escapes-from-zoo-and-goes-on-cow-raping-rampage/

CANADA: MOOSE ESCAPES FROM ZOO AND GOES ON COW-RAPING RAMPAGE

Share137K
Tweet
A moose that has escaped from the Calgary Zoo is wreaking havoc on local farms in the area as the 2,000-pound beast has allegedly been sexually assaulting a large number of cows since its escape two nights ago.
A number of local farmers in the area have warned authorities about a moose that has been seen on many occasions “humping” their cattle and possibly harming the animals.
“I saw this huge moose shagging one of my cows doggy-style”

– Thomas O’Neill, local farmer​

Thomas O’Neill, a local farmer, contacted local authorities when he found the 2,000-pound moose “shagging” his cattle before it fled into the bush moments later
Mooing in distress
The local farmer says he was first alarmed by the distress calls he was hearing from his cattle.
“I heard my cows mooing in distress, I thought there was a coyote or a wolf, but instead I saw this huge moose shagging one of my cows doggy-style,” he told reporters.
“Never in a hundred years did I ever think I would see that with my own eyes” he added, visibly shocked by the scene.
Mating season
Although it is not known if the sex acts were consensual or perceived as an act of aggression by the cows themselves, the act of mating for the moose is a rather normal thing, explains veterinarian Annie Beaudoin, of the Calgary Zoo.
“This 3-year-old moose has been raised in captivity and due to its particularly aggressive nature was enclosed by itself for most of its life. It is the first occasion that it has had in its entire life to experiment with a sexual partner,” she told reporters.
“It is also breeding season and so the moose being a polygamous animal will try to mate with as many partners as it can find,” she added.
After a 48-hour wild goose chase, Wildlife agents still have not successfully apprehended the animal and all persons having information concerning its whereabouts should contact the Alberta Environment and Parks, Fish & Wildlife department.
1523209811377.png
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1523209838792.png
 

TripleBull

This one goes to 11
Feb 13, 2017
2,200
3,643
113
Where can I order a Canadian Assault/Rape Moose?

I searched Amazon and eBay and the closest thing I could find was that combo gun lube/toilet bowl jizz disolver crap.

No, it's not for me. My asshole neighbor is moving next week and I have a deal worked with the Mayflower driver to put the moose in the trailer as a "going away gift" from all us caring neighbors.
 

168BTHPM

Short Bus Driver
Mar 1, 2008
3,807
6,877
113
Nevada
Where can I order a Canadian Assault/Rape Moose?

I searched Amazon and eBay and the closest thing I could find was that combo gun lube/toilet bowl jizz disolver crap.

No, it's not for me. My asshole neighbor is moving next week and I have a deal worked with the Mayflower driver to put the moose in the trailer as a "going away gift" from all us caring neighbors.
Can't help you with the moose, how about an angry ex-wife? She raped me on the divorce settlement.
 
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