Socially UNacceptable Humor

hermosabeach

Confused Coffee Drinker
Feb 13, 2012
3,155
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Scott was working at a lumberyard pushing a tree through a saw when he accidentally shears off all four of his fingers on both hands.

He rushed to the emergency room of a nearby hospital where the doctor took a look and said "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do".
"I haven't got the fingers". Scott replied.

The doctor said "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? This is the age of medical advances. We've got microsurgery and all sorts of incredible techniques! Why didn't you bring me the fingers?"


"Well, heck, doctor. I tried, but I couldn't pick 'em up".
 
Likes: abizdafuzz
Feb 13, 2017
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Camano Island, Washington
Scott was working at a lumberyard pushing a tree through a saw when he accidentally shears off all four of his fingers on both hands.

He rushed to the emergency room of a nearby hospital where the doctor took a look and said "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do".
"I haven't got the fingers". Scott replied.

The doctor said "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? This is the age of medical advances. We've got microsurgery and all sorts of incredible techniques! Why didn't you bring me the fingers?"


"Well, heck, doctor. I tried, but I couldn't pick 'em up".
:mad::whistle:
 
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hermosabeach

Confused Coffee Drinker
Feb 13, 2012
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The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. Obviously she was devastated and extremely angry. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me!? A faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!"

The husband replied "Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened". "Fine, go ahead" she sobbed" but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And the husband began "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days. So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments".
"Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight".

"I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste".

"I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same".


The husband took a quick breath and continued "She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said "Please... do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"
 

Foul Mike

Gunny Sergeant
Apr 18, 2001
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Eastern Colorado
Which one of us is going to volunteer to relieve Linda G. of her case of the hornys?
Count me out but remember I would give Hillary a hate fuck with blue grease from my grease gun and a handful of quarter inch pea gravel for traction.
Oh, and let's not forget what I would do for my sweetie Oprah if she would just buy me a helicopter.
I don't need a Buick as I have a nice old 1990 Chevrolet but if she wanted to throw one in after I pleasure her a bit so I have something to drive to the airport I would take it.
I hope you read this Oprah my dear as all of the letters I have sent you over the years don't seem to be doing the trick. FM
 
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Feb 13, 2017
2,324
1,471
113
Camano Island, Washington
Which one of us is going to volunteer to relieve Linda G. of her case of the hornys?
Count me out but remember I would give Hillary a hate fuck with blue grease from my grease gun and a handful of quarter inch pea gravel for traction.
Oh, and let's not forget what I would do for my sweetie Oprah if she would just buy me a helicopter.
I don't need a Buick as I have a nice old 1990 Chevrolet but if she wanted to throw one in after I pleasure her a bit so I have something to drive to the airport I would take it.
I hope you read this Oprah my dear as all of the letters I have sent you over the years don't seem to be doing the trick. FM
Hah, hah! :LOL:

Based upon recent history (your’s) I’m thinkin’ it’s gonna take a bit more sweet talkin’ ‘bout things other than blue grease and pea gravel b4 harpo gives any serious consideration to buying you a whirlybird........but, that’s just my opinion, what do I know ?:whistle:
 
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Dirty D

Poo flinging monkey
Mar 29, 2010
3,424
1,245
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Uranus
Which one of us is going to volunteer to relieve Linda G. of her case of the hornys?
I’ll take one for the team but I’m going to need 50 to 60 pounds of pink glitter and the non allergenic type not that cheap shit from China, a riding crop and 2 standby crops, a poster of Janet Reno in bondage gear (sigh) and a gerbil or 3.
 

hermosabeach

Confused Coffee Drinker
Feb 13, 2012
3,155
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American journalist goes to Afghanistan in 2000. Everywhere he goes he sees men walking ten feet in front of women. He asks an Afghani guy about it, the guy responds, "this is our culture, where men are superior to women, and that is why they must walk behind us." Journalist shrugs and goes back to US.



Five years later, in 2005, same journalist goes back to Afghanistan.

Everywhere he goes he now sees women walking ten feet IN FRONT of men.
Journalist gets really excited, goes to talk to an Afghani guy. "This is an amazing cultural shift, and step toward gender equality!" journalist says. "What prompted this change?"





Afghani guy shrugs. "Landmines"
 

168BTHPM

Gunny Sergeant
Mar 1, 2008
3,362
4,260
113
Nevada
I’ll take one for the team but I’m going to need 50 to 60 pounds of pink glitter and the non allergenic type not that cheap shit from China, a riding crop and 2 standby crops, a poster of Janet Reno in bondage gear (sigh) and a gerbil or 3.
No livestock or anchovy flavored lubricant? Domesticated or feral gerbils? For the riding crops, synthetic, leather or hemp? Just trying to paint an accurate mental picture.
 

TripleBull

This one goes to 11
Feb 13, 2017
1,896
2,514
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I’ll take one for the team but I’m going to need 50 to 60 pounds of pink glitter and the non allergenic type not that cheap shit from China, a riding crop and 2 standby crops, a poster of Janet Reno in bondage gear (sigh) and a gerbil or 3.
What, your current flock of 663 gerbils ain't enough?
 
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