Socially UNacceptable Humor

acudaowner

Sergeant of the Hide
Belligerents
Minuteman
Dec 26, 2018
150
55
34
anything funny from archy bunker to sanford and son, all in the family to little house to the Walton's . none of those shows could be made today. could not even make the love boat or fantasy island none of the flying circus or benny hill would be safe enough, heck even mash could not be made which is kinda good cause they hardly ever do make over an old show doing anything good ie the dukes of hazard .
 

300winemag

Private
Belligerents
Mar 31, 2014
109
58
34
Michigan
A LOVE STORY FOR VALENTINES DAY

A Frenchman, an Italian and a Polack were sitting there drinking good whiskey and talking about what gets their ladies excited.

The Frenchman said I sprinkle rose petals all over my gal's naked body and nibble them off one petal at a time and you ought to see how hot she gets.

The Italian said thats nothing I smear olive oil all over my gal's naked body then lick it all off one square inch at a time and you wouldn't believe how hot she gets.

The Polak said well when I get done fuckin my gal I wipe my dick off on the drapes - you ought to see how hot she gets...
 

hermosabeach

Spank Bank Manager
Belligerents
Feb 13, 2012
7,168
22,117
119
79
An irate motorist went to his insurance company and demanded money because his car had been stolen.

"But" explained the insurance agent "we do not give you money. We will replace the car with another".



The man replied indignantly "Well, if that's the way you do business, you can just cancel the policy on my wife".
 

hermosabeach

Spank Bank Manager
Belligerents
Feb 13, 2012
7,168
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A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

"Thank you, honey" she says. "What would you like me to bring back for you?"
He laughs and says "An Italian girl!"

When the conference is over, he meets her at the airport and asks
"So, honey, how was the trip?" "Very good" she replies.

"And what happened to my present?"

"Which present?" she asks.

"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!"


"Oh, that" she says. "Well, I did what I could.
Now we have to wait nine months to see if it's a girl".
 
Likes: Decoy

hermosabeach

Spank Bank Manager
Belligerents
Feb 13, 2012
7,168
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"I wish I had a smaller bum" my wife grumbled.
"Do you wish I had a smaller bum?"
I peered over the top of the paper. "No, not really" I told her.

"Aww, you're sweet" she gushed. "Is it because you love my bum the way it is?"


"No, not really" I replied. "It's because it'd look fucking ridiculous with legs that size attached to it".
 

hermosabeach

Spank Bank Manager
Belligerents
Feb 13, 2012
7,168
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By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken.
"You've got to have a room somewhere". he pleaded to the last hotel manager
"Or just a bed-I don't really care where. I'm completely exhausted"

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant" admitted the manager "
and I'm sure he would be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained all week. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you".

"No problem" the tired traveller assured him. "I'll take it".

The next morning John came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. The manager asked him how he survived.
"Never better". John said.
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope. I shut him up in no time".
"How'd you manage that?"
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room" John said. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said "Good night, beautiful" and he sat up all night watching me".
 

hermosabeach

Spank Bank Manager
Belligerents
Feb 13, 2012
7,168
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79
The couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end.

The adoption center called and told them that there was a wonderful Russian baby boy available.

The couple accepted him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired "Whatever possessed you to study Russian?"


The couple said proudly "We just adopted a Russian baby. In a year or so, when he begins to talk, we want to be able to understand him".
 

hermosabeach

Spank Bank Manager
Belligerents
Feb 13, 2012
7,168
22,117
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79
A man thought he would give his wife a birthday surprise by buying her a bra.
He entered a ladies shop, rather intimidated, but the salesgirls took charge to help him.
"What color?" they asked. He settled for white.

"How much does it cost?" he asked. "Twenty-four dollars".

'Expensive, but okay' he thought.

All that remained was the size, but he hadn't the faintest idea.

"Now sir, are they the size a pair of melons? Coconuts? Grape fruits? Oranges?"
"No" he said "nothing like that".
"Come on, sir, think. There must be something your wife's bust resembles".


He thought long and hard and then looked up and said "Have you ever seen a Spaniel's ears?"
 

hermosabeach

Spank Bank Manager
Belligerents
Feb 13, 2012
7,168
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79
A lady goes into a New York City bank. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the women hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the women for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The women replies "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"