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Thread: Little Johnny's Sister: (Oh No, He has a sister?)

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    Little Johnny's Sister: (Oh No, He has a sister?)

    Little Johnny's Sister: (Oh No, He has a sister?)


    Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mom,"Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the play ground!"

    Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut."

    Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mom asked, "Really small, was it?"

    Sally replied, "No... Salty."

    Mom fainted.
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    Re: Little Johnny's Sister: (Oh No, He has a sister?)

    LMAO
    I also heard that Johnny & his best friend Jimmy were walking to school one day and climbed a fence. Johnny sliiped and the ultimate rut roh happened. Jimmy went on to school and the teacher asked "Where's Johnny?' Jimmy says" we climbed a fence, Johnny slipped and got a picket up his ass". The teacher replied "NO Jimmy, it is RECTUM!" Jimmy says "Rectum?!?! Damn near killed him!!!" OK enough silliness

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    Re: Little Johnny's Sister: (Oh No, He has a sister?)

    Anda variation...


    Little Johnnys teacher told the class to be observant on the way to school in the morning and have a story to tell...So litle Jonny says' "I saw a dog get hit by a truck and it killed his ass." Teacher..._no Johnny we say rectum."..Johnny.."Rectum, hell, it kilt his ass.".

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    Re: Little Johnny's Sister: (Oh No, He has a sister?)

    I've heard the Johnnies, hadn't heard Sally. Good stuff!
    Just proud to be here.

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    Re: Little Johnny's Sister: (Oh No, He has a sister?)

    Little Johnny came home one Sunday afternoon covered head to toe with dirt and mud.

    His mother asked "Johnny you are filthy, where have you been? "

    Little Johnny replied" I was visiting grandpa"

    His mother yelled back" Damit Little Johnny, I told you to quit digging him up!"
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    Re: Little Johnny's Sister: (Oh No, He has a sister?)

    little Sally come home w/ $100..

    her mama asked how she got $100..

    she says the boys paid her to climb up and down a tree...

    mama says "Sally, you know they just wanted to see your pretty pink panties"

    Sally says "I know mama, but I fooled them and didn't wear any panties today"

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    Re: Little Johnny's Sister: (Oh No, He has a sister?)

    The third grade English teachers tell the kids she is going to go through the alphabet one letter at a time and if she calls their name they have to use whatever letter they are on to come up with a word and use it in a sentence.

    In the back of the room little Johhny jumps up and down saying, "Pick me, pick me" for every letter. The teacher tries to ignore little Johnny until she came to the letter U. She couldn't think of a curse word anything vulgar that starts with U so she told little Johnny it was his turn.

    Little Johnny thinks for a while and says, "Okay, okay I have my word, it's urinate." The teacher groans and thinks to her self "What have I done", then she tells little Johnny okay use it in a sentence. He says, "Well uh, well uh, okay I have it. My dad says urinate, but you would be a ten if you had bigger tits."
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    Re: Little Johnny's Sister: (Oh No, He has a sister?)

    Originally Posted By: 168BTHPM
    The third grade English teachers tell the kids she is going to go through the alphabet one letter at a time and if she calls their name they have to use whatever letter they are on to come up with a word and use it in a sentence.

    In the back of the room little Johhny jumps up and down saying, "Pick me, pick me" for every letter. The teacher tries to ignore little Johnny until she came to the letter U. She couldn't think of a curse word anything vulgar that starts with U so she told little Johnny it was his turn.

    Little Johnny thinks for a while and says, "Okay, okay I have my word, it's urinate." The teacher groans and thinks to her self "What have I done", then she tells little Johnny okay use it in a sentence. He says, "Well uh, well uh, okay I have it. My dad says urinate, but you would be a ten if you had bigger tits."


    4 the win

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    Re: Little Johnny's Sister: (Oh No, He has a sister?)

    i agree ^^^

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    Re: Little Johnny's Sister: (Oh No, He has a sister?)

    Little Johnny is playing with his model airplane on the front porch. Vroom he lands the plane and says, "All you damn people get out and all you damn people get on". His mother hears his vocabulary from the kitchen, where every good mother should be, and says, "Johnny you can't talk like that, get up to your room and think about that naughty language." After a hour she lets him out of his room, telling him she hoped he learned his lesson. Johnny goes back to his airplane and lands it saying, "All you damn people get out and all you damn people get on, and everyone who is pissed off about the 1 hour delay can talk to the bitch in the kitchen."
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    Re: Little Johnny's Sister: (Oh No, He has a sister?)

    Little Johnny has a conversation with his younger brother and says, "I think we're old enough to start cussing". Right his younger brother replies. So Johnny says to his younger brother, "Tomorrow morning at breakfast you use the word ass in a sentence and I'll use the word hell."

    The next morning arrives and little Johnny's mother calls the boys downstairs for breakfast. She asks Johnny what he wants for breakfast. Johnny replies in his most grownup voice, "Hell mom I think I'll have the Cheerios." Johnny's mother comes unglued and starts whipping him and chased him upstairs to his room. She comes back to the kitchen in a huff and asks Johnny's little brother what he would like for breakfast. Johnny's little brother says, "Well you can bet your ass it ain't going to be the Cheerios."

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    Re: Little Johnny's Sister: (Oh No, He has a sister?)

    Little Johnny keeps getting in trouble in class for passing gas. The teacher can only think of one way to make him stop. She decides to keep him after class and deal with it. Little Johnny stays after class, and the teacher tells him he needs to quit passing gas in class. He says "I would, but I'm just so good at it." The teacher tells him if she can pass gas better than him, would he quit? He argrees to the challenge. So the teacher takes 2 paper plates and fills them with chalk dust from the chalkboard. She says "whoever blows off more chalk dust wins". Little John straddles and squats, farts as loud as he can and blows off half of the chalk dust. He stand up and says "beat that!". The teacher straddles and squats over the plate and just before she passes gas little Johnny look under her dress. The teacher lets it rip and blows off every bit of chalk dust. She stands up and tells little Johnny that she won and he would have to quit passing gas in class. Little Johnny looks at her and says "no way, you cheated, you have a double barrel!

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    Re: Little Johnny's Sister: (Oh No, He has a sister?)


    The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

    "Yes," he says. "My daddy taught me."

    "Can you tell me what comes after three?"

    "Four," answers little Johnny.

    "What comes after six?"

    "Seven," answers little Johnny.

    "Very good," says the teacher. "Your father did a very fine job.
    What comes after ten?"

    "A jack," answers little Johnny.
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    Re: Little Johnny's Sister: (Oh No, He has a sister?)

    The teacher assigns the class to stand up and tell a story with a moral to it. Little Janie goes first. She says that every morning her mom picks up her friend and brings them to school. Then every afternoon her friend's mom picks them up at school and brings them home. The teacher asked what the moral was and Janie replied "be kind to your neighbor and they will be kind to you."

    Then came little Johnny. He tells about his father in Vietnam. He says his dad was in a fire fight and his entire platoon had been killed. His dad was in his foxhole pinned down by 100 Vietnamese and only had 3 bullets, a bayonet, and a bottle of scotch. The teacher asked " my god Johnny, what did he do?" Johnny replies that his father jumped out and shot 3 with the bullets, went back in the hole and drank the scotch, then came back out and stabbed the other 97 with his bayonet!!!!

    teacher: "my god that is a horrible story Johnny.....what could possibly be the moral??????

    Johnny: "Don't fuck with my daddy when he's been drinking!!!!!"

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    Re: Little Johnny's Sister: (Oh No, He has a sister?)

    Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls. Could you please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this."

    So Little Johnny's mother takes him by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.

    "First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse..."

    So he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.

    "Take off my skirt..."

    Little Johnny takes off her skirt.

    "Take off my bra."

    He takes off her bra.

    "Now, Johnny, please take off my panties."

    When Little Johnny is finally done taking off the clothes, she says, "Johnny, Please don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!"
    So this baby seal walks into a club...

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    A traveling salesman rings the doorbell, and 10-year-old Little Johnny answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar.

    The salesman says, “Young man, is your mother home?”

    Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, “What the hell do you think?”
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    Quote Originally Posted by Decoy View Post
    A traveling salesman rings the doorbell, and 10-year-old Little Johnny answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar.

    The salesman says, “Young man, is your mother home?”

    Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, “What the hell do you think?”
    Thats funny, especially the ash on the carpet. Reminds me of a pary I had while my folks were gone and a guy threw up in the stereo.

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    LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN


    The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.

    Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'

    The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'.

    Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I was 'fascinated.' The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'

    Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.

    She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.

    Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight .'
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    A teacher is having the class say the word "definitely" in a sentence that is absolutely true. A little girl says, "The sky is definitely blue." The teacher points out that on overcast days the sky is grey and that the girl's statement isn't completely accurate. A little boy states that, "The grass is definitely green." The teacher again points out that the grass is not always green, especially in the wintertime. Johnny raises his hand and asks," Teacher, when you break wind... does it have lumps in it?" She replies, "No Johnny, it doesn't." Johnny replies, "Well then, Teacher, I have definitely shit my pants."
    Decoy and 2ndamendfan like this.
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    Quote Originally Posted by fmrabnmp View Post
    A teacher is having the class say the word "definitely" in a sentence that is absolutely true. A little girl says, "The sky is definitely blue." The teacher points out that on overcast days the sky is grey and that the girl's statement isn't completely accurate. A little boy states that, "The grass is definitely green." The teacher again points out that the grass is not always green, especially in the wintertime. Johnny raises his hand and asks," Teacher, when you break wind... does it have lumps in it?" She replies, "No Johnny, it doesn't." Johnny replies, "Well then, Teacher, I have definitely shit my pants."
    damnit I was gonna use that one

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    A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what they need at home.
    Joey says, "A computer."

    The teacher replies, "That would be very useful."
    Jenny says, "A new lawn mower."

    The teacher again replies, "That would also be very useful."
    Little Johnny pops up and says, "At my house we don't need anything!"
    The teacher asks him to think again carefully, as everybody needs something.
    Little Johnny replies, "No I'm sure. When Obama was re-elected, I remember my dad saying; 'Well, that's the last f*****g thing we needed.'"
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    Little Johnny was playing in the front yard pouring turpentine on ant hills and setting them on fire. The local priest comes to pay a visit as Johnny's mother was pregnant and expecting soon. He was holding a small bottle and Johnny ask, "Hey preacher, what's in the bottle?" The priest said "It's Holy Water, when I pour it on a mother's tummy it will help her pass the baby." Johnny replied " That's nothing, I put some of this turpentine on a cat's ass and he passed a motorcycle and two cars!"
    "It's not the ignorance that I can't tolerate, it's the stupidity."

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    Little Johnny sees his mom getting out of the shower
    'what's that?' he asks pointing at her twat
    'Umm, that's where daddy hit me a long time ago with an axe' reply's his mom,
    'That was a good shot' says Johnny 'right in the c*nt!'
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    Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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    The teacher is lecturing on chemistry and the elements. She asks the class to name some elements. Billy raises his hand and says "fire". The teacher explains that the Greeks thought fire and water and earth were elements, but they aren't elements, but water is made from two elements Hydrogen and Oxygen. Then she asks again who can name an element. Johnny's sister Suzy raises her hand, and the teacher says "Suzy what is your element?" Suzy says "Fucking".

    The teacher wants to downplay this answer as best as she can, so she asks Suzy why she thinks "Fucking" is an element? Suzy answers "Well I heard my mom talking to her best friend the other day, and she said that when my Dad was fucking, he was in his element."

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    Little Johnny came home from school very excited and told his mother "mom, you wont believe it...today I had sex with the teacher!!!!!!" His mom is very upset and sends him to his room. "Your father will speak to you about this when he gets home." Dad comes in later and explains to his little man that he is very proud of him and the only thing he really did wrong was to tell his mother. Dad goes on to explain that he shouldn't talk about such things to women as they "just don't like to discuss having sex." Dad tells him that this is normal behavior and that he is proud of his son to be having sex so early. He tells little Johnny that this is a "man thing" and that he should have all the sex he can with the teacher as often as the teacher wants.
    Everyday when dad gets home he gets little Johnny aside and asks "did you have sex with the teacher today???" Johnny always smiles and says "yep!!, sure did." After about three weeks dad decides it's time to reward little Johnny for pile driven' the teacher just about everyday and so he buys his little man a brand new bicycle. Dad figures he will surprise little Johnny at the bus stop so mom wont be involved with the gift and celebration. Little Johnny steps off the bus and is surprised to see his dad. Dad says "son I got this new bike cause I'm so proud of ya' for havin' all that sex with the teacher." Little Johnny smiles and thanks his dad and starts walking his new bike home. Dad says "Son, what's a matter??? Don't you want to ride your new bike???" Little Johnny says "yeah, but all this sex with the teacher is tearin' my asshole up!!!!"

    Little Sally and her dad are on the way home one day and the couple in the vehicle in front of them are having a big argument. The husband has been unfaithful to his wife...ultimately she pulls out a straight razor and before the husband realizes it she lops off his thing and throws it out the window. It flies up in the air and lands on little Sally and her dads windshield. "Daddy, what is that!!!!" "I don't know" her dad quickly replies. "Well what is it dad???" "um ah yeah, yeah...it's a bug!!" Little Sally is even more excited now and dad just wants to get off the subject. "What kind of bug is it dad???" Dad says, "It don't matter, it's just a bug." "What difference does it make what kind of bug it was???" he says to the girl. 'Well I was just wondering, because whatever kind of bug it is...it's got the biggest cock I ever saw!!!!!"
    What do you know about surfing Major, you're from goddamn New Jersey?? Lt. Col. Bill Kilgore